Friendship: For a Reason, Season, or a Lifetime
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“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
One of the challenges of growing older has been the ability to find and keep quality and lasting friendships. The older we become the more friendships tend to fade away or become less of a priority. Leaves us wondering, can a friendship last a lifetime?
For a select few of us, being a military family or a missionary complicates this even more, with every move making us question whether or not we’re going to find ladies just as amazing as our last assignment, or how many people we will actually keep in contact with.
And even though we are “blessed” with social media, maintaining actual friendships regardless of where we live can be very difficult. Will we really “keep in touch” as we promised? Well, that just depends…
Friends for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime
There is a popular poem from an unknown author (although sometimes attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt or Brian A. “Drew” Chalker) explains three types of friends: friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Poem listed below.
Friends for a reason, a season, or a lifetime Poem Printable download below.
Not every friendship can be for a lifetime. Some friendships start off great and then die down. Other friendships last for a few months or a few years serving a very specific purpose and then ending when the purpose has been fulfilled.
Then, sometimes… on rare occasions, we find our soul mate in the form of a sister from another mister, a best friend whom we will grow old with and become a part of the family. This last kind of friend, she’s a friend for a lifetime. But what distinguishes a friend for a reason, a season, or a lifetime?
Friends for a Reason
“When someone is in your life for a REASON, It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are!
They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.” - Poem excerpt, Unknown Author
This poem perfectly captures the friendships that come into our life for a reason. These friendships serve a purpose or meet a need. When that purpose is fulfilled, or that need met, the friendship dissipates into a distant memory. This isn’t a bad thing.
We don’t intentionally befriend people to take advantage and then walk away. These are the friends we meet during a short business trip, and they become a friend in a scary place.
We meet them in a gym class, and they motivate us to finish the workout. We meet them at a conference, and they become the one person you sit next to the entire time, so you aren’t alone.
Sometimes the friendship starts off as if you’ll be lifetime friends, but along the way it changes. That’s completely okay. We were created for community but we weren’t meant to be tied down to everyone forever.
Truthfully, my social media pages are filled with friends I had for a reason. Friends I met on work trips, and conferences. Friends who were amazing, but for one reason or another simply did not last. I can reflect on our relationships and believe that a purpose was served.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 shows us the importance of being with one another. Two are better than one in any relationship. So when we discover a friendship coming to an end, count the blessing the friendship provided regardless of how long it lasted.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Friendships for a Season
“Then people come into your life for a SEASON, Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.” - Poem excerpt, Unknown Author
The next category is friendships for a season. These friendships last anywhere from a few months to a few years. Similar to friends for a reason, friendships for a season serve a purpose before ending.
Examples of friendships for a season can be friends we make with other moms of littles when we are in the thick of motherhood. These friends can sometimes feel like they will be lifetime friends, but when it comes down to it, the friendship doesn’t last.
Maybe the physical distance becomes too much, or maybe lives become too busy, so it makes it nearly impossible to keep investing time into the relationship. Without a falling out, these friendships just gently fade away.
When I lived in Illinois, I began attending a church that transformed my spiritual life. Through the church, I met many amazing women who filled me up, mentored me, and befriended me during a time when I was very much alone. One question from a friend got me to go to church and changed my life.
Related: How One Question Got Me To Go To Church
At the time, I lived two states away from my family and 735 miles away from my boyfriend. These ladies came over for dinner often, and we would laugh, cry, and pray about any and everything. I learned so much from these women and truly believe they helped shape me into the wife and mother I am today.
After 2.5 years, I moved with the military to finally join my hubby. Slowly, but surely, most of those friendships ended. Nothing bad happened. In fact, a lot of great things happened, but God brought these ladies into my life for a season only.
In retrospect, those friendships served a purpose. Part of that purpose was to help me on my journey of developing my faith, of discovering who I was in Christ.
Related: Evolution of Faith: How Accepting God Transforms You
I look back at most of those friendships and am so thankful for everything I learned. Those ladies poured into me and allowed me to grow more than I ever thought was possible.
I knew that most of those relationships would not survive a move, but I was okay with that. I knew that God had a purpose for each and every one of those ladies.
Friends for a Lifetime
The last category is friends for a lifetime. If you’ve had friends come and go, you’ve probably wondered if it’s possible to actually have a friend that lasts a lifetime.
“...LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons – things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.” - Poem excerpt, Unknown Author
It is absolutely possible to make a friend or two that will withstand a lifetime.
A friend who overlooks your brokenness and admires the beauty inside you.
A friend who is open and honest…. who tells you when you’re wrong in a loving manner.
These friendships are the ones that you can go a while without talking, but when you catch up, it is like nothing has changed. These are also the friendships that you will go out of your way to spend time with them even though you only have a few days to spend back home.
These are the people that you call in the middle of the night, asking for prayers because you feel so broken or tempted that you don’t have the strength to fight the temptation alone.
Lifetime friendships are the ones you pour your deepest secrets or embarrassments to because you can trust them to pray for you and hold you accountable. These friendships teach you about the world and about yourself and change you for the better.
But a word of caution…. Not every friend can or should enter this category.
As I reflect on all the people in my life, those that lasted a long season, or a short reason, and those who are currently still in my life, and I am in awe.
Through military moves across states and countries, through pregnancies and miscarriages, through heartbreak and marriages, these friendships have all shaped me in one way or another.
Had I disregarded any of them because I knew they weren’t meant to last a lifetime; I would have missed out on so many blessings.
4 Tips to Consider When a Friendship Ends
If you are struggling to cope with a friendship that is ending, consider these 4 tips to help you.
♥ Recognize that some friendships are only meant for a reason, others for a season, and few for a lifetime.
♥ Don’t harbor bad feelings when friendships dissipate. Instead, recognize the hidden blessings they provided you and continue to nurture the relationships you have control over.
♥ Maintain realistic expectations that sometimes, you may have expected a friendship to last a lifetime, but in reality, it was only a season. Although it may hurt, God is in the midst of our relationships.
♥ And no matter the category, cherish your friendships. You never know when a friendship for a reason turns into a friendship for a lifetime.
Can you reflect on your relationships past or present and identify the blessings?
Original Poem: Reason, Season, or Lifetime
People come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for each person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON, It is usually to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually. They may seem like a godsend, and they are!
They are there for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled, their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered. And now it is time to move on.
Then people come into your life for a SEASON, Because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But, only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons – things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life. It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. - Unknown Author
